the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
