if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
