Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
