I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
