I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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