Don't you send me to vm
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize
