Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
