Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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