I skipped work to stalk him.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
