she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
