Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
