Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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