i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
