This is not my ceiling
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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