Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
