went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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