I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
