You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
