I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
