I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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