I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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