Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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