bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
