you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
