I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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