She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
