Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm jealous of your bromance
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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