also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
