whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
