I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
