I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
farters have to be the big spoon...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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