she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
