I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
