I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
