Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
