Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
