bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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