So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
