yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
