i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
