if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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