whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
