dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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