She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
