i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
