Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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