did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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