Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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