I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
