Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
