Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
