We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
