so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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