her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
