Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
