Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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